after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
