respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This is classic penis vs brain.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
