5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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