Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
there is glitter all over my balls
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