I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i think i just lost a toe
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
