look no pants
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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