He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
