your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
