OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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