Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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