Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
