I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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