Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
