I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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