Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
why do cheetos always look like penises
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
