I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Randomize
