You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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