my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you inspire me to be a worse person
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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