i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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