I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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