What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Dignity is for republicans.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
