hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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