Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
