idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
