Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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