Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize