How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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