A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
