Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
