i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
