I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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