If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Come see our sink grown plant.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
