You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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