i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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