i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
