wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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