Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
