She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize