Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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