you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
