Me too!
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
