So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
