after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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