I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
