If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
