don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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