I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
