im six kinds of drunk right now
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
