i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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