My first STD was from a foam party
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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