Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
