I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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