I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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