Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
