Need sex. Gaining weight.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize