What did we do last night that was yellow?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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