Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
