I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
