U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
