Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
