Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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