My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
