i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
