Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You took a bar mat shot.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
