brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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