Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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