i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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