He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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