I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
