my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize