I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
