You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
