You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize