We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
