You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
